Real Funny Poems
Welcome!
What you'll find here is an ever-expanding collection of funny poems on a wide range of topics. It's quite extraordinary how many situations and life events can be captured (and in some cases, tortured) in funny poetry.
For example, the following funny poem was inspired by a single question overheard while shopping:
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Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?
By Tom Mulhern
“Do you think that these jeans make me look fat?”
How can I answer a question like that?
If I say yes, I’m sunk for sure
If I say no, she’s bound to demur
If I say “Yes, you look like a whale”
This will be a short and violent tale
If I say “No, they make you look great.”
She’ll accusingly say “You do think I’ve gained weight.”
No, this is a battle I know I can’t win
This calls for finesse not given to men
Another woman would brightly respond without fear
“Those jeans would look cute with these shoes over here.”
I doubt that a man when pressed could ever
Come up with an answer quite so clever
No, though I grope for a phrase to express my love true
A noncommittal grunt is the best I can do.
© 2009 by Tom Mulhern - www.Real-Funny-Poems.com
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Poems tell stories, and funny poems tell funny stories.
Not long ago, a certain radio program sponsored a prose story-writing competition. They provided the first line of the story ("The nurse left work at five o'clock"), and invited aspiring authors to write a brief (3 minutes or less) story from that beginning. Well, when I heard the required opening line, I said to myself, "That's the first line to a poem." Here it is.
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Deadly Intent
By Tom Mulhern
The nurse left work at five o’clock
Little suspecting she was in for a shock
When she got home the front door was ajar
The reason for which she did not have to look far
She cautiously entered then drew back in fright
Struck by the foul and gruesome sight
There on the floor with a knife in his chest
Was the bloodied corpse of her recent house guest
After she panicked with whimper and cry
She had the good sense to call CSI
Who quickly determined it was all a mistake
The knife was rubber and the blood was fake
It turned out her friend aspired to be
The victim in an upcoming murder mystery
A part for which he long had designs
As it involved no movement nor remembering lines
For her part the nurse was less than impressed
And had to be restrained from strangling her guest.
© 2010 by Tom Mulhern - www.Real-Funny-Poems.com
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The funny poems on this site are:
- Original:
I wrote these poems and set them to verse
May they cause you to smile more often than curse
- Funny:
If you read these poems and think they're not funny
Take comfort that they didn't cost you any money.
- Real:
Four out of five doctors say that it's beneficial
To read poems that are real and not artificial.
So wander around and see what you think. If you like what you find here, you might want to sign up for my free monthly e-newsletter. That's how I keep both of my other fans updated on new poems as they are added to the site.
Funny Poems Blog
The funny poems blog to let you know whenever new poems are added to Real-Funny-Poems.com
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Funny Birthday Poems
Say happy birthday with funny birthday poems that are just right. Or pretty close to just right . . .
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Funny Love Poems
Funny love poems that shamelessly exploit the considerable humor involved in falling in and out of love.
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Funny Friendship Poems
These funny friendship poems will make you feel warm and fuzzy all over. Or perhaps not . . .
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Short Funny Poems
Short funny poems that waste no time getting to the punch-line.
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Funny Anniversary Poems
Funny anniversary poems that shine with the sense of humor that it takes to stay married to the same person for years. And years.
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Really Funny Poems
Really funny poems for those special occasions in life: weddings, graduations, Saturday night baths, and more.
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Funny Christmas Poems
Funny Christmas poems that show Christmas is not just a joyful time, it’s also a very funny time of year.
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Funny Family Poems
Funny family poems that show a good sense of humor is a universal family value.
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Humorous Poems
Humorous poems that simply refuse to be pigeon-holed or categorized. In an amusing way, of course.
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Very Funny Poems
Special types of very funny poems, including funny simile poems, limericks, and poems about conversational quirks.
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Funny Retirement Poems
Funny retirement poems about that phase of life that so many look forward to. Except for the part about getting older and, well, you know, checking out.
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Roses Are Red Poems
Roses are red poems are designed to be funny and completely devoid of serious intent. Now that is my kind of poem . . .
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Funny Valentine Poems
Funny Valentine poems for those whose beloved has a sense of humor. It also helps if she isn’t hoping for something mushy and romantic.
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Funny Animal Poems
Funny animal poems about our good friends with four legs, fur, fins, and even feathers.
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Tom Mulhern
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Funny Poetry Ezines
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